Darth Punk - The Funk Awakens

Straight Outa Gotham (NSFW)

Just in case you missed it: John Oliver on Whole Foods

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https://youtu.be/R9gGL1cnnhg

NO KITTY

GIF Compilation

...yeah

An anthem for Eric

*Edit:  The response I received to this post:

"I know what your thinking. Is the truckers hitch real? Could it be? Can such a magical thing possibly be real? One knot to rule them all? But these questions are secondary to another. The real question you must answer is this. 

Does Eric possess such boundless knowledge as the secret of the trucker's hitch?

To answer, let me tell you his story. 

As many great stories his begins with tragedy. For when Eric was a boy he lost his parents while sailing. The storm came so suddenly, there was no avoiding or out running it. His father told him to get to the life raft and tie it off to the boat. So that he could get Eric's mother and some supplies. But Eric knew very little about seamanship, so he tied the raft off as best he could and got in. The raft thrashed about wildly above the the raging ocean. Slamming hard against the hull of the boat. Eric clung to straps of the raft for all he was worth and waited...and waited. It had been too long, what was taking his father so long? He began to move across the raft to climb back onto the boat, but then noticed something was wrong. The rope tying the raft to the boat was longer now. Eric's eyes made there way up the rope to the railing it was secured to... to the knot. There was no time, he could only watch in horror as another wave, struck the raft. The rope went tight and the last thread of his knot was undone. He watched the last of the rope slip from the deck of the boat and into the raging sea. He yelled and screamed for his father as the storm took him further and further from his family. 

Eric awoke on a beach, on some island he knew not where. With and mouth full of sand nothing else. He sat there watching the waves splash the shore, a pale reminder of the storm. He asked himself. Why? Why did this happen? He knew the answer. He didn't know, that's why. He didn't know how to tie a simple knot. The knot that would have saved his parents. It filled him with rage, that something so simple took his family. He vowed on the beach that day, this would never happen again. He would dedicate his life to learning the every knot imaginable. He would never be with out what he needed to save the ones he loved.

His quest began right there on that island. He was found by the natives of that island and they taught him many things. How to make rope from plants, and then to make a shelter with his new rope, by tying branches together. The natives it seemed, held knots and the many uses they had, with a kind of reverence. Though he never forgot his vow, he now had a new perspective and respect for knots. After many years with the island people he felt as though he had learned all that he could and was prepared to continue his journey. With the help of his new family he built a boat and set out into the world once again.

Eric had a great many adventures in his quest to to learn all the worlds knots. He learned from sailors who traveled the worlds many sea's. He learned from men who conquered mountains with their knowledge of knots. He even learned knots from the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, in what people call, a house of ill repute. But in all of his adventures one mystery always remained the unanswered. It was always just whispered about, as if it where dangerous. The sailors and the mountain men spoke of a legend, the legend of the perfect knot. A knot that was perfect for any situation. They they spoke as if the wilder of this knowledge would have the power to do anything. They called it the trucker's hitch. Surely this was just drunken ramblings, but everywhere Eric traveled he kept hearing its name. If there was even a chance that this legend was true he would have that knowledge.

 So he searched, searched for many more years. Following the smallest clues to the most remote places of the world. The last of which brought him to a long forgotten temple in a great desert. Deep in the heart of that ancient temple, he found a room. At its center where two pillars as tall as he was and the same distance apart. Connecting the two pillars is what was took his breath away. It was perfect, he didn't know why or how, but it was. From the top of each pillar a strand of golden rope protruded, right out of the stone. the two strands where tied together, with the most beautiful knot he had ever seen. He stood there in shock, awestruck by what he was seeing. It was complex to be sure, but also had a simple elegance to it. He didn't know when he had made the decision to touch the golden truckers hitch. But when he did the world went from the the torch lit stone room, to an all encompassing white. Just white for an eternity, or so Eric thought. In this place, time it seemed didn't exist. Then the flashes came, billions of them he supposed, images of ancient beings praying to an alter etched with the truckers hitch. Then images of those beings going to war trying to protect that knowledge. It was too much he wanted them to stop or he would loose his mind. Eric closed his eyes, and the flashes abruptly cut off, he could once again feel stone beneath his feet. When he opened his eyes he was not in the dark stone room with the pillars, but that was not what interested him. He was looking directly into the eyes of one of those ancient beings. He stood staring at this strangers eyes. They looked like they held a terrible burden. Eric broke away from that stare and saw that the being was holding in each hand a strand of golden rope. "LEARN" said the strange being, and it began tying, that which Eric had spent soo long searching for. When it was done, Eric looked back at those dark eyes but this time saw relief. In the next instant he was gone from that long forgotten time and place, and was back in the temple. Holding his torch in one hand and the other stretched out towards where the golden knot used to be. How long had he been standing there? It seemed both an instant and forever. He took a few moments to clear his racing thoughts and calmly pulled a rope from his pack, laid his pack aside and uncoiled the rope onto the stone floor with swift practiced motions. Once he had both ends free he smiled to himself, and like he had always known how, tied a truckers hitch.

So know you know and I must warn you. Even knowing that he knows is dangerous. All we can do is hope that Eric uses this knowledge for good. "

Please, drink responsibly

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